Mt. Vernon Republican (Mount Vernon, Ohio : 1854), 1863-02-19

              4If if I i VOL. IX. MOUNT VERNON, OHIO THURSDAY, FEBRUARY ID, 18G3. NO 16- THE MOINT VERNON BE1TBMCAN. T K 11 M S : For one year C invariubly in advarice)?2,00 Tin- uiv n.iulh. 1,00 TERMS 01' AUVEBTJKI.NU One square, 3 weeks, ( JlU! Hqlllll'O, fJ months, i Jue square, ( mouths, 4 Jnu hijiiiiro, 1 Oiiu square (changeable monthly) Changeable weekly. Two squares, J weeks, Two squares, G weeks, Two Nifiiitros. Jl months, Two squares, (! months, Two squares, 1 year, Three squares, H weeks, Throe squares, (5 weeks, .Three squares, 3 months, Three- squares, 6 mouths, Three so wires. 1 year, 1 mi ,,' . i km 0,00 10.00 15.00 1.75 J1.25 f,' C 75 8.00 2.50 4,50 5,00 S.00 10,00 One-fourth column, chan. quarterly, 15.00 One-third " " " 22,00 One-hair " " " 28,00 One column, changeable quarterly, 50,00 All local notices of advertisements, or 'tailing attention to any enterprise intended to benefit individuals or corporations, will lie charged at the rate often cents per line. Select poetry. What I Live For. I liYc for those that love me, For those I know arc true: Fsor the heaven that smiles above me, And awaits my spirit too: For all human ties that bind me, For the task my God assigned me, For the bright hopes left behind nic, And the good that I can do. I live to learu that story, Who suffered for my sake. 'To enjulato their glory, And follow in their wake: Bards, martyrs, patriots, sages, The uoble of all aj;es, Whose deeds crowd history's pages, And Time's great volume make. T live to hail that season,' By gifted minds foretold, When men shall live by reason, And not alone by gold When man to man united, And every wrong thing righted, The whole world shall be lighted, As Eden was of old. I live to hold communion AVith all that is divine, To feel there is a union 'Twixi nature's heart and mine; To profit by affliction, Reap truth from fields of fiction, Grow wiser from conviction, And fulfill each great desigu. I live for those who love me, For those who know me true, For the heaven that smiles above me, And awaits my spirit bo: For the wrong that ueeds resistance, For the cause that lacks assistance, For the future in the distance, And tho good that I can do. CHOOSE YE! " Thus saith the Lord, I offer thee t&rct things." In poisonous dcus, where traitors hide, Like bats that fear the day, While all the land our charters claim Is sweating blood and breathing flame, Dead to their country's woe and sliauie, The recreants whisper Stay! In peaceful homes, where patriot fires On Love's own altars glow, The mother hides her trembling fear, The wife, the sister checks a tear To breathe tho parting word of cheer, Soldier of Freedom, Go! Iu halls where Luxury lies at ease, And Mammon keeps his state, 1 Where flatterers fawn and menials ctoucIi, The dreamer started from his couch, Wrings a few counters from his pouch, And murmurs faintly, Wait! In weary camps, on trampled plains That ring with fife and drum, Tho battling host, whose harness gleams Along the crimson-flowing streams, falls, like a warning voice in dreams, We want you, Brother! Come! Choose yc whose bidding yo will do To go, to wait, to stay! Sons of the Freedom-loving town, Heirs of the Father's old renown, The servile yoke, the civic crown Await your choice, To-Day! TI12 stako is laid! O, gallant youth, With yet misilvored brow, If Heaven should loscand Hell should win, On whom shall lie the nnrtal sin, Whoso record is, It mijht hint htn! Gol calls you answer NOW. Fish, at least, if no other animals, have cauFO to believe that it is a bad practice to think of rising iu Jife tipoa somebody eLe'ft hook. THE MODERN ARNOLD. 1-J.TZ JOFIX PORTER BRANDKD AND TURNED LOOSK. (From thoN. Y. Spirit, of th Timer) Tim TJfvnliit.lMnnrv uti'iMmln nivwl twi.il 11 traitor Arnold; tho second war with Eng. 111 , i .i n n i.i ! mini prouueeu nnoiner nun; auu tne third war for American liberty has produced a third Porter. Passing over the period when Porter was the pet utid secret ctni.-sary of the ' thiuf and traitor Floyd, and was sent by i tbnt miscreant on a confidential mission to Fort Sampler; and passing over his insidi-ous advice to the loyal soldier iu command that "were he iu charge, he would not attempt to defend tho work, if attacked troin tho land side;" pa.-sing over his performances when acting us chief of staff under Patterson during the first battlo of Bull Run, when by his advice and influence tho force of Patterson was withheld from reinforcing or helping McDowell, which caused the carnage and disasters of that dreadful day; passing from thence, we trace Porter as tho leading adviser of the long and inglorious inactivity before- Manassas; the engineer who protracted the disgraceful siege of Yorktown; the strategist who deliberately planted his batteries in a ravine ( in one of the seven days' battles,) instead of on a bight, while he streamed his regiments before a raking fire of the enemy; the beau sabrcur who fled precipitately from the sucers of MeCall, when the butternut lines were advancing upon tliem at Gaines' Mill; the traitor who failed Pope at Centrcville, and the ungrateful comrade, who, when Burnside was sinking under the accumulated weight of Hill and Long-street, at Antietam, refused reinforcements out of 30,000, who had stood idle under Mm during all the fierce temptations of that day. His whole career, therefore, is one consistent current of darkly suspicious acts; and, at the end, he stands convicted by tho solemn judgment of his peers, of a villainy .which equals the nuasure of the worst that had been thought of him before. It is seldom that, in the course even of the longest life, one man has the opportunity for so much evil as Fitz John Porter found iu the space of twenty months; and that he improved all the occasions which were thus presented, no one who has read the testimony iu the recent trial, and been an observer of his previous career, can, for a moment, doubt. The charges against him in that proceeding were, tnat having, while at Warrcnton Junction, Ya., on the eveuing of tho 27th August iust, received an urgentorder from Gen. Pope to move forward at one o'clock on the following morning to Bristow Station, (which was but nine miles distant.) in order to be uble to attack the enemy at daylight; he deliberately disobeyed thator- .der, went to sleep upon'it, and did not be gin to move his men to daylight. The second charge was, that on the day but one afterward, to wit, the 20th August, he, while in the sight of the enemy, at the distance of but a mile and a half for seven hours, did, after receiving an order to attack, shamefully turn his back upon the foe, whose inferior force he might easily have crushed, and marched" from the sound of the hostile cannon with his whole division, thus leaving tho exhausted federal forces to be outnumbered and driven disastrously back upon Arlington Ilights and Alexandria.The testimony on the second charge makes some astounding revolutions. It appears that on tho morning of the 29th, Porter and McDowell were ordered to move forward together on a given road, aud follow it till they met the enemy, unless McDowell, who ranked Fitz John, should decide that any considerable advantages were to be gained by pursuing a different course. On arriving at a certain point in their march, McDowell decided that the commands had better be scparatcd,and informing the accused that he, McDowell, would move on with his division, and attack the enemy upon the centre, directed him to take a road leading to the left where the rising dust showed that the enemy might there be taken in tho flank. The accused, however, instead of receiving the order with the spirit of a soldier, merely pointed with his hand to the dust rising above the trees and remarked-" We cannot go in there, anywhere, without getting iuto a fight." The answer of McDowell was "That's what we came for?" wkcroupon be- iug full of his business he hurriedly rode off. Porter, then iu a mere semblance of obedience ordered a portion of his forces, under Griffin, to'niovo forward, but when they had advanced about COO yards lie directed them to halt. In his position ho remained till after 5 o'clock p. m., with 13,000 well appointed men, perfectly idle before an inferior number of the foe, who all tho while contributing to barrass and overwhelm our center. Amazed at Porter's absence from tho fight, Pop at length scut him an order dated at half-past 4. p. m.y "to push forward into action at once, on the enemy's right flank aad if poibk, upon his rear.' Tho order was delivered to him at half-past 5 o'clock; ho received it wliilo lying down under a shade tree, aud without attempting to obey, ho continued reposing in the same manner, during tho twenty minutes tho messenger remained. In noticing tho testimony on this point, Judge Holt cm- ploys tho following language: The accused had. fur between fhcand six hours, been listening to the sounds of tho batllo raging immediately to his right. Its dust and smoke was befbro eyes, and the reveberation of its artillery was iu his cars. He must havo known tho exhaustion nnd carnage consequent upon this prolonged conflict, and he had reason to believe, as shown by this noto to Gens. Mc Dowell aud King, that our army was giving way before tho heavy reinforcements of the enemy.. Ho had a command of some 13,-000 fresh and well appointed troops, who had marched but a few miles, and had not fought on that day. Under these circum stances, should not an order to charge the enemy have electrified him as a soldier, and Live brought him not only to his feet and to his saddle, but have awakened tho sounds of eager preparation througlit his camp? But the bugle note of this order seems to have fallen unheeded, nud after reading it, and at tho end of an interview of fifteen to twenty minutes, the messenger who Dore it, turncu away, leaving tne accused still 'lying on the ground.'" In a little while after the departure of the messenger, Porter gave an order to fall back, and deliberately retired altogether from the theatre of the still raging battle. All this was known two days afterward by McClellan, yet he retained Porter as his chief corps commander, and permitted him to perform the same part, with 30,000 men at the subsequent battle of Autietam. "But there is one feature of the inaction of tho accused on the 29th," says Judge Advocate Holt, "which it is especially sorrowful to contemplate. How, with the cannonade of the battle iu his cars, and its smoke and the dust of the gathering forces before his eyes, ho could, for seven and a half or eight hours, resist tho temptation to plunge into the combat, it is difficult to conceive. But this alone is not the saddest aspect iu which his conduct presents itself. Colonel Marshall states that, from the cheerings and peculiar yells of the enemy heard on the evening of the 29th, he, and every man of his command, believed that General Pope's army was being driven from the field." It is further stated by Judge Holt that the members of tho Court were convinced, from the testimony "that a vigorous attack upon tho enemy by the accused, at any time between 12 o'clock, when the battle began, and dark,when it closed.would have secured a triumph for our arms, and not only the overthrow of the' rebel forces, but probably the destruction of Jackson's army." This opiuion, in effect, is emphatically expressed by Generals Pope, McDowell and Roberts, and by Lieut. Colonel Smith, all of whom participated in the engagement, and were well qualified to to judge. General Roberts, who was on the field throughout the day, says: "I do not doubt at all that it would have resulted in the defeat, if not in the capturo of the main army of the Confederates that were in the light at that time." , To the same effect is the explicit language of General Pope, while McDowell says that, "even had the attack itself failed, the number of troops which would have been withdrew from the main battle by the enemy to effect this result, would have so far relieved oar centre as to render our victory complete.Upon such revelations and such proofs as these, did the court unanimously find Fitz John guilty of the crimes alleged against him; and upon their verdict did the President strike the malefactor from tho rolls aud declare him to be hereafter utterly unfit to wear a sword, or to hold any office of trust or profit under the Government of the United States. It was a punishment far short of the measure of the crime; for the culprit should have been ruu up to a limb, or at least led out and shot. But tho President, doubtless, credited him with some remaining sensibility to human shame, and therefbro judged it to bo a keener penalty, to force him to live and walk about his former fellow men, with a brand upon his forehead which stamps him not only as tho murder of Kearney and of Stevens, but the real betrayer of Antietam and both battles of Bull Run. He therefore stalks an outcast, hearing up on his brow the mark of Cain, inviting, but for the decorum of the law, the pistol of every loyal man, and worthy only of the commisseration of the Chief who so unduly paoipered and advanced him. And yet this cowardly poltroon is en roled in tho Democratic calender as among the "blessed Martyrs" with those notable coppcTheads"Sam Medaryand Olds. What a tublimo trio ! 'I Only Cried With Her." Tho widov.s mite was of more value in the Savior's eyes than large contributions by the wealthy, because of tlio willing heart and the scanty means. The following beajitltul little incident t.. I. 1 ! 1 . 1 1 ibiiuw now even cniiuren can uo goott by a little tender sympathy; A pnor widow the mother of two children, ired to call on them at the close of each diiyt lor the report of tho good they had done. One night the oldest hesitated iu her reply to her mother's question, "What kindness have you shown?" '-I don't know, mother." The mother touched with the tone of her answer, resolved t? unravel the mystery; and tho little sensitive thing, when reassured, went on to say: ''Going to school this morning, I found little Anna G., who had been absent some days, crying very hard. I asked her mother what made her cry so, which made her cry more, so that I could not help leaninir mv head on her neck, and cry '.oo. Then her sobs grew less and less, till she told mo of her little baby brother, whom she nursed so long, and loved so much how he had sickened, grown pale and thin, writhing witli pain until ho died, and then they put him from her lorever. Mothe'r, she told me this; and then she hid her face in her book, and cried as if her heart would break. Mother, I could not help putting my face on tho other page of tho book, and crying too as she did. After we had cried together a long time, she hugged me, kissed me, telling me I had done her good. Mother, I don't know Imo I did her good,b' I only cried with her. That is all I can tell for I can't tell how I did her good. Happiness. The definition of happiness is not easy, if we understand by it, not merely cbrtain fortunate accidents, but rather that feeling through which tho interior man receives his deepest sensations of pleasure or pain; for it is very possible to suffer many and great griefs, and yet not to feel thor oughly unhappy in consequence; but rather to find our moral an 1 i iGtllectual nature so purified and exaltod thereby, that we would not wish to change this feeling for any other. On tho other hand, we may be iu the possession of much peace and enjoyment in the things granted us wo may have ab solutely no grief and yet find within ourselves an insupportable void. To be happy, we require a proper employ ment for the mind and the feelings certainly a varied one, and ono tint shall bo suitable to the general char acter, and so much so as to satisfy ev ery need' of existence. What is needed to make life really valuable and happy is a mind thor oughly alive rich in the power of re producing all that it gains inwardly from its own deep communings with itself, or externally Iron its observations on men and things; or else the steady working out of a series of ideas begun early, and embracing in their course perhaps tho greater portion of a life. It is my firm conviction that man has only himself to blame, if his life appears to him at any time void of interest and of pleasure. Man may make life what ho pleases, and give it as much worth, both for himself and others, as he has energy for. Over his moral and intellectual being his sway is complete. Win. von Hum-loldU . Make the Nursery Pleasant. Have you a priut, or plaster cast, or blossoming plant in the nursery where your children spend most or their time.' . Ncvor mind about you "parlor," but it your nursery a clio- fulj)lacef Is there anything there upon the wall for Httlo eyes to look at, and little minds to think about, when they wako so early iu the morning; or as they lounge about when a stormy dav keens them closo prisoners? If j & . not, see to it without delay. Don't say "I can't afford it;" one shilling-two shillings will do it; if you can spare a few shillings more, so much the better. You know tho effect a bright, cheerful apartment has upon yourself, evon with all yoflr mature resources for thought and pleasure; think then of tho little children, reaching out their thoughts like vine ten drils for something to twine about, something to lean on, something to grow to in line, something to think aid talk about. A blank, white wall is not suggestive or inspiring. Give the little nursery prisoners something bright to look ..Iiey-oh.V Miscel lany. Where Is ) onr Boy I We saw him last, late in tho even-ing, in tho company of very bad boys, they each had a cigar. And now and (lien some of them used very profane language. As wo looked at your son we wondered if you knew vher4 he was, and with whom he associated. lie is running hcaillong into the vice3 with which the world is filled. Can you not leave your business long enough to look after that boy. " Do not neglect him; if he continues in the path he seems treading ho will Burely bring sorrow to your household. Bring tho proper parental restraint to bear upon him, and that very soon, or he will be lost to you, to himself, and respectable society. "That is not my boy," say you? Be not to sanguinc.-Look before you give so decisivo an answer. Your boy does many things and has many habits already contracted you know not of. Anecdote or old Ironsides. The following is well calculated to make the rising generation proud of the noble spirits who shed so much lustre on their country's name during the memorable war of 1812, with tho then proud mistress of the seas. The most brilliant naval action of the last war was undoubtedly that of tho old American frigate Constitution (44) commanded by Comtnadore Steward, when she captured the two British corvettes, Cyane and Levant, of a greatly superior force, each of them being equal to tho old fashioned, tkirty-throe gun frigates. The handliug of the American' frigate was throughout scientific and unexceptionable By no mancouveriug could either of the British vessels obtain a position to rake the Constitution, shift their ground as they would. Old Ironsides was between them, blazing away upon both vessels at the same time. During the whole action, Stewart instead of mounting the horseblock, sat in a more exposed situation, astride tho hammock nettings, the better to observe the manoBuvering of his antagonists. Tho Cayane was the first to strike to Brother Jonathan not an unusual thing with British vessels during that war. The first lieutenant came in haste to tho commodore to announce the fact. ''The starboad Bhiphas struck, sir," said tho officer. "I know it, sir," replied the commodore. ''The battle is just half won." "Shall I order tho band to strike up ''Yankee Doodle," sir?" inquired the lieutenant.Here the commodore took a huge pinch of snuff, and then answered, quickly: ';IIad we not better whip the other first, sir?" "Ay, ay, sir," replied the lieutenant, taking the hint, and went to his quarters- In a short time afterwards, the Levant lowered the cross of Old Kngland to the stars and strips, and the battle was ended. The licutcnaut being somewhat rebuked at his premature exultation upon the Bur- render of the first vessel, was rather shy of approaching his commander again; but Stewart, beckoning to him, said with a smile : "Don't you think the band had1)etter sfrike up 'Yankee Doodle' now, sir?" In on instant that spirit-stirring strain mno fl.intl., nn Yi l.rnnv.l l.ltll'.tll fifl tin other than a Yankee band can play it, and j the gallant crew shouted forth their cheers of victory as no other than a Yankee crew can shout. Post. Courting Sensation. There is a dear old lady in our "docs- j met, wlio lias ior a uaugiucr an-uusim-men" cross old girl, who has not been bur ..... . . n 1. (;... ! ' I dened with a surplus of attention from the opposito "sect." Her mother wonders why on airtli tho fellers don't come to sec Betsv? But last Sunday Betsey bad a beau, and they "sot up," and tho old lady was extremely glad. Monday morning, when the fair daughter came down to her morning meal, the old lady exclaimed with pleasant emphasis: "Well, my dear how do you feel this morning?" Betsey glanced at her a moment, and then muttered in deep low tones: "I feel as though I could oat suthin." Betsey wasn t accustomed to sitting up late. He Happy. Our Creator bus enjoined iqioii us in term of the greatest eliMirne-s the duty nl beinir hiippv. The powers with which he , B i 1 ' " . , , has endowed us, thucirrnmstiiiu es in whii li our lot is east, with all the. U,'sin of hi. beneficence shows ninniKtakiildy his mind and will, that we should be happy. Manj do not eonsidi-r this, and in their selli-l.- iwi.j.1 .....l l..l. il ,i,ltlt i.!4ll,,.4l I V In ,!,.--,.- IIIIU Ifi IIUI Hill.,; .H.'. ' thwart this' kind design. Some s-'em t.. think that happiness Is the very l,i.-t thini; to be thought of, if not to be absolutely shunned, as though their merit lay in de- pri vinR oursidycsofit hat is decisive on tins point is the laei that whatever comixes to our highest goud most consonant with true enjoyment; winu- j a violation of sight always involves pain. J Not that our sole aim is to be happy;! but we may be assured that no demand of truth, right or duty will vor require a ; ... ... . .i ii i . sni'i'iliee ot liappiness on tne wnoie, auu. that it is both our privilege and duty to lie as happy as possible. I low are we to seek hantiiness? W'f answer: Jiy benevolence. Mnve to pro- ''" anuuuuio i rciuiou uy ins primer, oi mote that happiness of others in the high-! being awakened at two o'clock one moru-est degree. This will administer directly j by a king's messenger from Downing to your pleasure, and culti vate in you strecl; the sole object of his disturbance faculties most conducive to the same one. , . The one whose heart glows with love. , bul"iS a re4u 'f" Mr. tanning, tfaa whose hand is active in ministering to the j tho words ''Spain with the Indiei," which good of his fellows cannot be wretched. joccurod in his celebrated speech on the Momiiiy Star. j the affairs of Portugal, should be printed Fidelity of a I)o. Numerous instances of the attachment and fidelity of the Dog have been put on record from time to time, and the armv correspondent of the Philadelphia relates the following fresh proof as wit-! nessed on the bloody field mar 1'redsrieks-: buri: On Monday last, as Hon. John Covode. ! in company with a number of ofiiecrs, was j passing over the battle-field beyond Fred- j encksburK, their attention was called to a small dog lying by a corpse. Mr. Covode halted a few moments to see if life was sx-tinet. Raising the coat from the man's face, ho found him dead. The dog looking wistfully up, ran to the dead man's face aud kissed bis silent lips. Such devotion in a small dog was so singular, that Mr. Covode examined some papers upon the body, and found it to be that of Ser- geant W. II. Brown, Company (', i) 1st Pa, The dog was shivering with the cold, but refused to leave his master's body, and as the coat was thrown over his face again, he soeined very uneasy, and triod to get under it to the man's faee. He had, it seems, followed the regiment into battle, and stuck to his master, and when he fell remained with him, refusing to leave him or to eat anything. As the party returned au ambulance was carrying tho corpse to a little grove of trees for interment, and the little dog following, the only mourner at that funeral, as the hero's comrades had been called to some other point. Caught a Tartar. A cortcspondent of the Buffalo Express relates an incident that oceured in the cars between Buffalo and Washington a few days since, in which the conceit aud pomposity which is so common an accompaniment to newly dunned shoulder-straps received a richly merited rebuke. An old gentleman, enveloped iu a libural cloak, sat in a seat, when a red-faced young man entered aud charged the old gentleman with having taken his seat. The latter quietly replied that he had occupied the seat since the starting of the train frilm Baltimore, and should not give it up. The younger man then commenced-loudly and coarsely abusing tho older one, and while doing so, threw back his over-coat so as to display a Captain's shoulder-straps. Thereupon the old gentleman roused up aud the following coloqny ensued: Old Gentleman. "By what right doyou wear that insignia?" pointing at the same time to the. revealed shoulder-straps. Ferocious Man. "By the authority of the United States Government. I am an officer of the army, and have fought and shed my blood for my country, while such rich old codgers as you are lazingabout at your ease, and taken up other peoplu's scats in Railroad cars, while patriots, sir, like me. do the fighting." Then came a change in the scene. The old gentleman thrsw back his overcoat revealing the stars of a Major General of the United States army, and saying to the Capjain in a firm, but dignified tone. "lam General Couch, sir, and I order you under arrest for ungentlemanly and unoflieer-like conduct. You will proceed to Wa-shington nnder my escort." The Captain attempted to apologise, but was not allowed to do so, and a few days later was seen upon a return train, minus his straps. Served him right. An Extreme Test. If you wish to ascertain the temper of a yonng lady, look at her nails and the tips nf her gloves. If they are jnggod and bitten, you may be suro she is peevish, irritable, quarrelsome, and too ready to show her teeth at the smallest provocation. This is an infallible tost that every ill tempered young lady carries at her fingers'ends.-r-Po not attempt to kiss such a lady under the mistletoe-, , ., UUB l Little Deeds of Kindness. Each of a thousand acts of love, costs j, fjfte f lMf, oml wn(m vicwc(j ,(). ' , , . . . , j .t''tln'r. win en est ate their valuer Tho ' .. i j ''",M ,' if '"'l offices always ready when i wanted to run up stnirs or down or tet ; chip. ,lt ,.,;t ,. ,.radle to run on an er raii'l and riiiht buck all with a cheerful I I , i plins)!iit temper, has a reward ; ''b sin h good duties. If a little j irl cannot take her grandfather on her j p n jlt, w m n;B) sll0 fan t I slippers, or put away his book, or gently : " , . ,' b 1 I ,,m"b tl'iu Iwlis; and whether she mums oi u or not, mese little kindnesses that -ouie from a loving heart, are the imi,JOaMllj tIlat ,; ,,ten up a dttrk am, wofl. . . . r 11,1 w"rllJ' Of 'killing's assiduous care in the prep. ;'r",'n" ""J revision of his speeches, a cu- with "inverted commas aud in italics." A good slnry is told of a rustic youth ind a country gal. who set facing each itker at a hitskinir nartv. The voath miitten wil)l fhe t.larmsof the beautiful .. , , . ma"lu"' u,l,' vl'"tUrod hls J Iook 8uJ "ow ""J 'ben touching Betty's foot under the table. The girl determined to make the ynuth expre warm, t M , ,.. ... . . 'ess what he appeared eo bore with these advances a little while in silence, when she criad out: 'Look here! if you love mo, why don't you say so? but dou't dirty my stockings." tiood Book. Create a taste in youth for good books, and tho pleasures that lead tho unthinking mind astray. It is the will made strong. by cultivation that enables a man to resist the cravings of those appetites whose indulgence brings death. The ignorant mau must of necessity be a man of narrow views and strong prejudices, and even in questions which involve great moral principles, he is as likely to be wrong at right. The safe man iu society is the man who is competent to do his own thinking. A man with enormous feet was measured for a pair of boots, and inquired of the man when ho should have them finished. "By Wednesday, if it does not rain," was the reply. "If it docs not rain. What has rain to do with the boots?" "Why do you suppose I coubllbuild a pair of boots for your feet iu the housu?" What's the Cause? A husband having been left by the partner of his cares, at an early day called to investigate the matter, aud went at tho business in a categorical manner, as fellows : 'Haven't you always had good maple wood, all split up, in the cellar?' 'Yes,' said the fugitive lady. 'Hadn't you always had,' he continuod rather excited, 'a new milch cow, and good carrots? Yes.' 'Well, then, what's the cause? Did I ever strike you with a billet of wood, or knock you down with a hoe handle?' 'No.' 'Then what in the mischief is the cause?' Only a Clove. Iu a certain villago dwelt a Judge, who being a widower, always accompanied his niece to church. One summer afternoon, while she was intent upon the sermon, and the Judge wag having a quiet snooze, she discovered a grasshopper on her dress. Picking it off, she gently nudged the drowsy Judge, that he might throw the intruder into the aisle. He took it with eyes half-open, and supposing it to be a clove, quite unsuspectingly bit off its head. Crabs' Tails. A young lady at a ball was asked by a lover of serious poetry whether she had seen Crabbe'a Tales. "Why, no," she answered, "I didn't know that crabs had tails." "I beg your pardon, m'nss," said he, 'I mean have you read Crabbe'a .Tales?" "And I assure you, sir, I did not know that red crabs, or any other kind of erabe, 1 ; had tails." I A sailor dropped out of the rigging of a . ship of war some fifteen or twenty feet, and full plump on tho first lieutenant "Wretoh" ' said the officer, as he gathered himself tip, ' "where did yon eome from?" "And sure I eome from the north ef Ireland j onr hon- , or." ' v -'